Wednesday, April 22, 2009

A date with myself

When I imagined living just nine miles from the sea, I pictured myself frequently sitting on the beach reading and writing and feeling so at peace. But it rained for the first month after I came, then life just sort of crept in with all its daily demands and the next thing I knew it was winter.

Spring is here and yesterday I took myself to the beach for the first time! I packed up my blanket, snack, camera and journal and set off with my bike. There was not a cloud in the sky, just a light breeze and I had the place mostly to myself. It was such a gift.

I realized that it's hard for me to give myself a gift like this. Even without a job (or maybe even more so without a job) my days seem to be filled with, "I should..." statements. I feel like I need to have the house spotless, master every recipe in my cookbooks, grow a beautiful garden, speak German fluently, become a guitar virtuoso and the list goes on endlessly. What I really need to do is lighten up! That kind of thinking steals the joy out of everything and I am determined not to let it dominate my days. It could take a while to change my way of thinking but my day at the beach was a good start.


cortina said...

GOOD FOR YOU! and get rid of the word "SHOULD". do it or don't do "should it".....i feel like we both used to be really good about this stuff while we were in high school.

so impressed by your german skills. you go, girl! yes, the lack of intimate conversation sucks! hurry up and learn the language! :)


JaySeaAre said...

A friend once told me that she changed her self speak from "I should have . . . " or "I should . . . " to "I could have. . . " or "I could . . . " and that made her feel more good-er and changed her perspective. I works for me, sometimes.